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Post by adoptaratcanada on Sept 16, 2009 0:17:50 GMT -4
I continue my sidetrack from the other thread. Let me warn anyone that I'm just super-sensitive, and that THAT'S the trouble. The rats are wonderful. They are surprisingly susceptible to ailments. If I were tough, their ailments would be tolerable. Alot of people I know have and lose rats and they get over it. During their sick times I'm eating by angst and when I lose them, I'm a wreck. That just reminded me...when I was teaching piano lessons I arrived at a home where the mom said the little girl would be down shortly and the brother would go first. She said their hamster died earlier. I told them if she was upset we could reschedule and the mom waved her hand and said, "oh nooo! " I told her if it were my hamster, I'd be an emotional mess! The kid came down seemingly not bothered. Apparently even some 7 years olds are tougher than I am. >> I would never EVER give them up, but in the future I'll avoid rash head-over-heels decisions. << And when you see a truly needy pair of young rats looking at you wondering if you'll save therm from the damn snakes? Firstly, I NEVER look. And assuming I did, or made a visit to the rescue site...quite honestly, DF, I don't think I'm strong enough any more. I'm the type who feels everything very deeply, and for a long time. I"m probably too sensitive to survive being a rat mom. I still can't think of my cat who died at the beginning of the year - that was a soul-shattering blow. I probably should see a shrink. That said, if shrink could help me be made of tougher stuff, I'll consider it. Trust me, the notion that these will be my last rats has given me alot of sadness and alot of crying sessions. They are so marvelous, and the good times are heaven, but there's too much anxiety and sadness...for me. I'll never say never.
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Post by Dezzi on Sept 16, 2009 17:40:55 GMT -4
I'll admit I saw a shrink when I was too sensitive. Now there are times when I SHOULD be sad and I can't.
I know how tough it is when our pets get sick. I can't handle needles and I always feared a day I'd have to deal with them. Thankfully I've usually had people around who are good with them and my vet is only a 10 minute drive away. (And less if it was at night with no traffic)
It's up to you whether or not you get rats. A way to "get tougher" could be doing fosters. I know it can be super difficult because they are in your home and are your babies and then you have to give them up, but the more you do it, the easier it becomes. And most fosters keep in contact with the adoptive families, so you can always be sure they're okay. Something to consider, as you are an awesome rat owner and there are a lot of abandoned rats out there.
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Post by Hamsters82 on Sept 16, 2009 18:27:23 GMT -4
I know how you feel Linda. When Chewie died I couldn't take it anymore; I couldn't take giving my heart to an animal that only lived two years, that's why I went for a dog next. It's ultimately up to you, but I think we would all understand why you would do it. And don't let anyone make you feel bad if you decide not to have more rats. Is there anyone you can talk to, to help you feel better about some of the rats you lost? Perhaps you could get another animal that lasted longer (just a suggestion).
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Post by Die Fledermaus on Sept 16, 2009 21:28:41 GMT -4
>> I know how you feel Linda. When Chewie died I couldn't take it anymore; I couldn't take giving my heart to an animal that only lived two years, that's why I went for a dog next. <<
Heard someone say that in that way we outlive them. . . so we can care for them to the end. It would be a bad situation of they started outliving us. Then what would happen to them?
I always focus on the needy batch upcoming, those without homes and with little hope.
No animal that I know of will suffer just because I am afraid of that critter eventually dying making me sad.
I rarely look at animals in poet stores for the reasons Linda mentioned. I ask the people I know about needy rescues, why I have, for example, Adele the dwarf.
Let me tell you something only Katie knows. . . when Princess the hamster died I cried a lot, and I cried very very little when my father died. But we didn't get along, ever.
>> I still can't think of my cat who died at the beginning of the year - that was a soul-shattering blow. I probably should see a shrink. <<
How do you compare that to losing relatives?
Can't you focus on the good you did and the good times you had, and on the needy cat about to be put down you can save?
I can't even THINK about Leslie the GP without tearing up, as I am doing now. A horrible situation, perhaps in part slightly my fault. His brother, Sam, is here. They were both born here. Very tame. My point is he did not just die; I may have had an inadvertent hand in it by a slight possible mistake. THAT was the worst. We all make mistakes, and I have, or been outsmarted to my regret.
Poppy the rabbit I posted about a lot in early Spring. I trust you read the posts. I did everything possible including an operation. And then he died a month later. Very sad - but I did my best.
>> I'll never say never. <<
Deny a snake a meal. I did. More than one. My crew was selling for only $5 each!! Including Telly the hairless and Max the giant Blue!!
But I have them, and they are safe.
We do all we can.
Read the thread about Pets and the afterlife, which I thought about doing when my friend Mary was killed by the SUV and was buried with her previous dog's ashes in the casket. During the funeral mass the priest spoke a lot about pets in heaven. Her then current dog, Charlie, went to another home. The entire story is in Other Pets from three years ago.
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Post by Die Fledermaus on Sept 16, 2009 21:30:09 GMT -4
BTW, if anyone is offended by the ads at the top of this, and other, RR forums, contact me about minor contributions to pay for this site being ad-free, as it once was.
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Post by Die Fledermaus on Sept 16, 2009 21:40:44 GMT -4
. . . It's up to you whether or not you get rats. A way to "get tougher" could be doing fosters. I know it can be super difficult because they are in your home and are your babies and then you have to give them up, but the more you do it, the easier it becomes. And most fosters keep in contact with the adoptive families, so you can always be sure they're okay. Something to consider, as you are an awesome rat owner and there are a lot of abandoned rats out there. Not a bad idea.
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Post by adoptaratcanada on Oct 15, 2009 22:03:58 GMT -4
Hi everyone! I wanted to finally come back and THANK YOU for your VERY kind and thoughtful responses. I really appreciate it, REALLY. After I decided these will be my last rats (but never say never), I kind of dropped off the edge of the internet, and especially any rat groups I'm on.
The ongoing health issues have left me despondent, and I'll address those in a different thread.
Onto the replies here....
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Post by adoptaratcanada on Oct 15, 2009 22:09:07 GMT -4
I'll admit I saw a shrink when I was too sensitive. Now there are times when I SHOULD be sad and I can't. I know how tough it is when our pets get sick. I can't handle needles and I always feared a day I'd have to deal with them. Thankfully I've usually had people around who are good with them and my vet is only a 10 minute drive away. (And less if it was at night with no traffic) It's up to you whether or not you get rats. A way to "get tougher" could be doing fosters. I know it can be super difficult because they are in your home and are your babies and then you have to give them up, but the more you do it, the easier it becomes. And most fosters keep in contact with the adoptive families, so you can always be sure they're okay. Something to consider, as you are an awesome rat owner and there are a lot of abandoned rats out there. Awww, thanks, Dezzi! I'm not sure fostering is for me. I become very maternal and territorial over my pets, so I'm not sure I'd be a good candidate for handing them over to someone else! I realize you might not want to answer publicly, but may I ask what sort of counselling you got? Talk therapy, hypnosis, etc? I've wondered about hypnosis. If you prefer and are so inclined, please PM me. I forgot if this has come up before (was it you who used to be on The Island?)....you're in the same town as me!! I remember there being someone else on this board who had pets from SARS.
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Post by adoptaratcanada on Oct 15, 2009 22:13:41 GMT -4
I know how you feel Linda. When Chewie died I couldn't take it anymore; I couldn't take giving my heart to an animal that only lived two years, that's why I went for a dog next. It's ultimately up to you, but I think we would all understand why you would do it. And don't let anyone make you feel bad if you decide not to have more rats. Is there anyone you can talk to, to help you feel better about some of the rats you lost? Perhaps you could get another animal that lasted longer (just a suggestion). Yes, I've always had cats and dogs. It's just a matter of time before the other shoe drops, as all of them are getting on. Besides hypothyroidism and high blood pressure, the cat is now running into kidney issues. It's her brother that died of kidney failure at the beginning of the year (and that's been a terrible blow to deal with...still. ) The vet hinted at sub-Q fluids down the lline and I'm not sure I can handle that again...it was a very difficult procedure with her brother. This year basically sucked, pet-wise.
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Post by adoptaratcanada on Oct 15, 2009 22:22:38 GMT -4
How do you compare that to losing relatives? Can't you focus on the good you did and the good times you had, and on the needy cat about to be put down you can save? Errr, nope! That's why it's so hard for me. I do feel some guilt over thinking I can't do this any more because I do know there are blameless animals that need a good home. If I can find a *healthy* way to cope I'll continue. Right now it's just very, very hard on me. And tends to consume my thoughts. Yup, I think I need a shrink! Sometimes when things are very bad, I think, "maybe I'll die before he/she does, and all my worry will have been in vain." Probably not the most healthy way to deal with it. Also, I just cannot think of my boycat who died in January. I feel that's wrong. That makes it as thought he never existed. It doesn't honour him, I know that. As for comparing it to relatives, that's a good question. The devastation I felt over that cat is right up there to having lost both parents. In fact, ALL the extended family I grew up with are gone, and I realize that's set me up badly for emotional hypersensitivity.
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Post by Die Fledermaus on Oct 15, 2009 23:43:23 GMT -4
My father and I never got along. I have been far more affected by various pet loses than his demise.
Being unable to focus on the good you did saving a critter is unfortunate. Nor can you grasp your own limitations. I wonder if that is an actual pathology - and if it is treatable.
It is late. I will say more tomorrow. Very busy here.
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BTW, I told you all in a PM how to get rid of the banner ads, and it is up in a new thread.
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Post by adoptaratcanada on Oct 16, 2009 0:11:46 GMT -4
I should clarify..I *can* think of the good I did and I grasp/acknowledge it, but it's not a strong enough feeling to overshadow the sad feelings. It doesn't make me happy or feel better while they're sick or after they die. But yes, I'm glad they have a life with me.
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Post by Dezzi on Oct 16, 2009 3:25:14 GMT -4
Awww, thanks, Dezzi! I'm not sure fostering is for me. I become very maternal and territorial over my pets, so I'm not sure I'd be a good candidate for handing them over to someone else! I realize you might not want to answer publicly, but may I ask what sort of counselling you got? Talk therapy, hypnosis, etc? I've wondered about hypnosis. If you prefer and are so inclined, please PM me. I forgot if this has come up before (was it you who used to be on The Island?)....you're in the same town as me!! I remember there being someone else on this board who had pets from SARS. Sorry, this post will be a long reply! Yes, I was on the Island and am now in PoCo. The rats I have are SARS fosters, as well as one of my hamsters. The only ham that I have who isn't up for adoption is Meeks because he's got Cushings. I wouldn't adopt out the Robos unless it was a special circumstance, but they are still available. Andrea is another SARS member and I believe helped found it, but she hasn't been around in a very long time (inactive here as well as inactive with SARS). You are more than welcome to come visit and meet my rascals and I can get you hooked up with SARS if you want! If you ever need help dealing with anything or need a buddy to take for moral support on vet visits, that type of thing, I'm happy to be there. (Is Dr. Upjohn at Eagle Ridge your vet? He's absolutely amazing with the small animals; he's my vet as well as the main one SARS goes to) Assistance with cage organization for the rats would be nice as the boys don't seem to fit in the hammocks I made them. Well, technically they fit, the flannel just tore so now they're cage liners instead. The great thing about fostering with SARS is that you get first choice of adoption when pets are being adopted out and you can screen potential adopters. We do follow-up and home checks with each adopter and make sure the animals continue to receive the care we would give them. Most adoptive parents keep in contact with the foster parents, so that level of "are my babies okay" is tended to. I would have a REALLY hard time with it if I was waving goodbye to never see them again, but it's not like that. I am more than happy to share my experience with counselling. I've had a ton of it over the past 12 years (rough life) and I know what works for me and what doesn't. I had a lot of low-self esteem issues which escalated into self injury of various sorts. I also have a lot of deep-set fears from past bad experiences, and for a long time they would cause flashbacks that made me unable to go about my day-to-day life. I spent a few months living in a psych ward in a hospital on the Island and learned how to live like a normal person and deal with what goes on in my head. I did a lot of exercises to teach me that it's okay when things are out of my control and to not take them personally. Things like sitting being yelled at for like half an hour about something that wasn't my fault. A lot of learning who I am as a person and finding my strengths. A big thing that helped me was keeping a journal. Not an online one, a written one. It was a HUGE help. I find writing out what I'm feeling/thinking makes me address it (kind of like saying it out loud). I basically pour my emotions onto paper. I will write pages and pages and pages until I feel drained. Then if it's something that makes me angry (or that should NEVER be read) I can burn it. I have a fascination with fire, and watching it burn is kind of "okay it's been dealt with, now let it go". I did do some talk therapy but I found it didn't work for me as well as writing did. Sometimes there were things I wanted to say but couldn't. I couldn't get the words out of my mouth, but I was able to write them down and have my therapist read them and then discuss it. As far as getting over my fears/flashbacks, it was mainly exposure therapy. I would have to face a little bit of it at a time and realize it was okay until I was at a level of comfort that I can for the most part function normally. I get to the point of passing out/seizures from being afraid, but I know the signs of when it's coming and know how to deal with it. I never tried hypno-therapy because one of my big fears is not being in control of my body/actions. My roomie at the hospital did hypno therapy and it helped her a lot. It just wasn't for me. Again, sorry for the long post.
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Post by Die Fledermaus on Oct 16, 2009 13:16:40 GMT -4
>> Andrea is another SARS member and I believe helped found it, but she hasn't been around in a very long time (inactive here as well as inactive with SARS). <<
Whew!! I thought it was ME!! ;D She is very missed, she and her bunnies and Whizz.
Great advice from Dez, above! Please read.
For me, nothing helps when I lose a beloved pet other than a rescue of one in need.
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Post by adoptaratcanada on Oct 17, 2009 9:37:03 GMT -4
Thanks for the post, Dezzi!
I'm just getting ready for work, so will reply in a while if I have time, otherwise when I get back!
PS: Yes, Dr. Upjohn is my new rat vet. However he's been out of town for weeks! I'm just happy to have a clinic that has good hours and OTHER vets who can see the rats when he's not around.
I'm curious about the other vet, as I thought SARS dealt with ERAH. I thought I'd read that LMR dealt mainly with Westview for rats.
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